Isenyuka ry’ingo ni kimwe mu bibazo bikomeye byugarije umuryango. Iyo uganiriye n’abantu batandukanye, bakubwira ko umuryango wibasiwe cyane ndetse hari ababifata nk’icyorezo bitewe n’ubwinshi bwabyo.
Imibare y’inkiko igaragaza ko gatanya zizamuka ubutitsa kuko kugeza mu Ugushyingo 2018, hari hamaze gucibwa imanza za gatanya 1311, ni ubwikubwe bw’inshuro 19 ugereranyije n’umwaka wa 2017.
Imibare igaragaza ko mu 2016 ingo zatandukanye zari 21, mu 2017 ziba 69; yerekana ko gatanya zikubye inshuro 62 bingana na 6,200% mu myaka itatu ishize.
Bamwe mu rubyiruko ubu batinya kubaka ingo kubera ubwoba bwo kuba nyuma y’iminsi mike bahita batandukana. Iyo uganiriye na bo, bakubwira ko nta cyizere bafite ko ingo za bo zizamara kabiri. Igitangaje ni uko mu bari kunyura muri ibyo bibazo, biragoye kubona ukubwiza ukuri kwabyo usibye kukwereka ko bikomeye gusa.
Iyo ugerageje kuganira na bamwe barakubwira bati “Kirazira mu muco kuvuga ibintu mu mazina ya byo.” Ibi ngo ni uko byaba ari ukwishyira hanze, ariko akenshi bakabishingira ku kuba bigoye kubona uwo kwizerwa wabwira ibibazo byawe.
Iyo umukobwa agiye kubaka, ba nyirasenge baramubwira bati “Uramenye uzitonde kandi nibikomera uzamenye burya ni ko zubakwa.” Uwo rero aragenda maze yagerayo agahura n’ibikomeye ariko umutima muhanano ntumwemerere kuvuga ibyo anyuramo.
Umuhungu na we bamubwira ko umugabo ari uwifata mu bibazo ntagaragaze intege nke, noneho byakomera akabura amahitamo bikazagera ubwo ananirwa kubyihanganira nyamara iyo biganirwaho byari gukemuka.
Iyo tuvuze ikibyihishe inyuma ni ikintu kitagaragara ariko kikaba nyirabayazana igeza umuryango aho usenyuka. Muri iyi nkuru yacu, turavuga ku bibazo bamwe badatinyuka kuvugira mu ruhame ariko bishobora kuba intandaro ya gatanya.
Kimwe mu bituma umuntu ashaka kubaka urugo harimo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina ihoraho. Akenshi rero hari ubwo umwe mu bubatse aba yarasambanye mbere y’uko akora ubukwe, maze agahora agereranya uwo babana n’abo baryamanye mbere.
Hari abandi basanga abo babana bafite intege nke mu mubiri (uburemba), cyangwa bakagira uburwayi butuma badakora imibonano. Iyi ngingo irakomeye kuko izana ibibazo byinshi birimo amakimbirane ahoraho, agasuzuguro, gucana inyuma, kwikunda n’ibindi. Ibi iyo bigitangira birihanganirwa ariko akenshi birangira bamwe bagiye mu busambanyi cyangwa bagatandukana.
Igitangaje rero biragoye kubona ukubwiza ukuri ko yasanze ari uku bimeze ahubwo iyo basaba gatanya bahimba ibindi byakumvikana mu bantu kuko batinya kwikoza isoni, nyamara iyo bagirwa inama mbere ahari byari kugira igaruriro.
Iyo umuhungu n’umukobwa barambagizanya, buri wese agerageza guhisha ingeso ze kugira ngo mugenzi we atazishingiraho akaba yamwanga. Agerageza kugaragaza ibyakurura mugenzi we kugira ngo yemere ko bazabana.
Rimwe na rimwe iyo ubwiye umwe muri abo ko mugenzi we yitwara nabi, anywa inzoga nyinshi, agira inshuti mbi cyangwa asambana byitwa ko ari ugushaka kumwicira ubukwe. Burya ingeso ntitinda kwigaragaza, wayihisha umwaka umwe ariko bigera aho bikanga.
Yaba umugabo cyangwa umugore, nta n’umwe ukunda ko uwo babana amusangira n’abandi kuko iyo mubana uba waramuhaye umutima wose, waramushyizemo icyizere gihagije. Iyo rero ibi byanze, ugasanga abantu bahisemo gutandukana, umwe muri bo cyangwa bose ntatinyuka kuvuga impamvu ahubwo abenshi babirenzaho bagahimba izindi ngo badahabwa amenyo y’abasetsi.
Iyo umuhungu cyangwa umukobwa afata icyemezo cyo gusiga iwabo, ahagurutswa n’ijambo ryitwa “urukundo”. Akenshi mu kurambagizanya, baba bararumweretse ku kigero gihagije.
Igitangaje ni uko atekereza ko ari ko bizahora ariko intege nke abagabo benshi bahuriyeho ni uko iyo agejeje umugore mu nzu atongera kumuhamagara buri kanya, kumwandikira ubutumwa bugufi kuri telefoni ku buryo buhoraho, kumubwira utugambo twiza twuzuye urukundo n’ibindi.
Abagore ibi bibananira kwihanganira kuko na bo mu ntege nke zabo bakunda kwitabwaho ku kigero cyo hejuru. Iyo icyo yaje ashaka akibuze bamwe bafata imyanzuro yo gutandukana.
Kimwe n’abagabo bose, nta wudakunda gukundwa ariko hari ubwo abakobwa bamwe bajya kubaka mu by’ukuri yishakira aho kuba, ariko atazi gutanga urukundo atabasha no kurwakira ahubwo urugo rukaba aderese gusa.
Burya usibye abantu n’inyamaswa n’ibimera bimwe na bimwe iyo byeretswe urukundo bitanga umusaruro. Akenshi iyo urukundo rubuze mu muryango, urasenyuka. Rero biratangaje kubana n’umuntu ugasanga arikunda bikabije wibaza icyo wagiye kumara. Iyo bamwe babonye ubitaho, birangira atwaye imitima yabo.
Guhabwa agaciro ni ikintu buri wese akeneye kandi ibyo ntibikorwa mu magambo gusa ahubwo iyo bivanze n’imirimo ukorera mugenzi wawe birushaho kumwereka agaciro.
Uzi ko hari abirirwa batavuganye, maze bataha ntibanasuhuzanye? Ibintu byereka mugenzi wawe ko umutekerezaho kandi ukamuha agaciro ntibiba binini. Igihe utashye ukamuzanira akantu n’ubwo kaba gato, hari icyo bigaragaza.
Iyo umugabo yiriwe mu rugo ukamwitaho, na we akakwitaho, ntibigira uko bisa. Gushimira mugenzi wawe ibyiza yagukoreye, kumusuhuzanya ubugwaneza, kumenya itariki y’amavuko ye ukagira impano umuha, mu gihe ahugiye mu mirimo ukamwibuka ukamubwira ijambo rimuruhura n’ibindi. Ibi iyo bibuze bishobora kuzana ibibazo bikomeye mu rushako rwanyu.
Uwavuga ko nta hohotera riri mu miryango yaba yigiza nkana kuko amakuru avuga abagabo bishe abagore babo, abakubiswe n’ibindi ntasiba kumvikana.
Kera abagore barakubitwaga bakagenda babeshya abantu ko inka yamwishe ku jisho, cyangwa yaguye ku kintu kikamukomeretsa kandi mu by’ukuri ari ukugira ngo ahishire ibyamubayeho.
Biratangaje ko muri iki gihe hakiri abagore bakubitwa, hirengagijwe amategeko n’ingaruka bishobora kugira ku wakoze iryo hohotera. Kubera umuco, hari ababikorerwa bagaceceka, bumva ejo bizarangira kugera ubwo biganishije urugo ku byago bitandukanye, harimo no gusenyuka kwarwo. Aha ntitwavuga ko abagore ari bo babohoterwa bonyine, ahubwo hari n’abagabo bahohoterwa n’ubwo umubare wabo atari munini. Ibi iyo bikomeje kugirwa ibanga biba biganisha ku gutandukana.
Muri kamere y’abagabo harimo gukunda icyubahiro, ku buryo iyo asuzuguwe bituma yiheba, amarangamutima ye ntabyakire, akaba yahitamo no gutandukana n’uwo bashakanye kuko yumva ko yatakaje agaciro.
Uyu rero iyo muganiriye, yihagararaho, ntakubwira ko icyatumye asenya ari uko yasuzuguwe ahubwo akenshi ashaka impamvu yindi yumva yarushaho kumvikana.
Burya abagabo benshi batinda mu kabari cyangwa mu kazi, si uko bakunda akazi cyane ahubwo aba atekereza aho agiye gutaha akumva nta mpamvu yabyo maze agataha agiye kubyuka cyangwa guhindura imyenda.
N’abagore ni uko, hari abasuzugurwa kandi ibi bikaba byaratangiye cyera. Ntawe utazi ko kera iyo umuryango wabyaraga abakobwa benshi, wabonaga bafite ikibazo, bakamera nk’abagushije ishyano. Ibi byatumaga abakobwa badahabwa uburezi ku kigero kimwe na basaza babo.
No mu bizera muzi ko bavuga ngo Yesu yahagije abagabo ibihumbi bitanu, ukuyemo abagore n’abana. Ibyo biguha ishusho y’uko umugore yafatwaga. Kugera ubu hari amadini n’amatorero atarabasha guha inshingano zo hejuru igitsinagore kuko bumva ko badashoboye.
Ibi rero iyo umugore abikorewe mu muryango bimusiga habi akihangana bigitangira ariko bikazasoza atandukanye.
Umuco wo kutaganira usenya ingo nyinshi bitewe n’uko uwo mwashakanye adashobora kumenya ibikunezeza cyangwa ibikubangamira keretse ubimubwiye. Uko ugenda ubangamirwa kenshi ntuvuge, umutima uragenda ukazinukwa pe, ukajya wumva nta cyiza kindi utegereje kandi wenda iyo ubivuga mwari gushakira umuti hamwe.
Iyo mutaganira ibibazo byatangiye ari bito bihinduka imisozi maze ingo zigasenyuka.
N’ubwo kuganira ari byiza ariko hari ibintu bijyana nabyo nko kumenya uko ubitwara, ingingo wibandaho, igihe cyo kuganira, uburyo bwo kuganira, ahantu ho kuganirira. Hari igihe ushobora gukeka ko wavuze wenda ibikubangamiye, ariko bitewe n’uko wabivuze n’ahantu n’igihe wabivugiye ugasanga wangije byinshi. ‘‘Umugore w’umutima wese yubaka urugo, ariko umupfu we ubwe ararusenya.’’ (Imigani 14:1).
Mu byo ukuri urugo rwubakwa n’ubwenge ni byiza gusaba Imana ubwenge bwatuma twubaka urugo ntirusenyuke.
Abantu benshi birabagora kubabarira uwabakoreye ikosa ariko bikarushaho iyo ahemukiwe n’uwo babana. Gusa buriya nta muntu utagira amakosa, ni yo mpamvu na Bibiliya ivuga ngo tujye tubabarirana uko umuntu agize icyo apfa n’undi kandi ngo mugenzi wawe nagucumuraho uzamubabarire inshuro 77.
Ikizakwemeza ko utamubabariye ni uko uhora umucyurira ibyo yakosheje, noneho yagira irindi kosa akora ukabanza kumucyurira ibyo yagukoreye bibi.Ntekereza ko iyo ukunda uwo mwashakanye, kumubabarira biroroha ndetse bikabanguka.
Ibi iyo bitinze, urukundo rurayoyoka bikavamo impamvu yo gutandukana kandi utabasha gusobanura neza icyatumye ufata umwanzuro umeze utyo.
Ikintu cyo kutikosora cyangwa guhora mu makosa amwe kiraremereye. Hari igihe umwe yumva asa n’uwasonewe gukora amakosa, akumva ntawukwiriye gutinda ku myitwarire ye n’ubwo yaba ibangamiye abandi ahubwo we agahora atunga intoki abo babana, avuga ibibi byabo.
Niba ushaka kumenya icyo kwikosora, uzahere kuri cya kindi uwo mwashakanye ahora atonganira, cyangwa avugira nabi cyangwa se kimwe ahora akubwira ko kimubangamira. Ujye wibuka ko Bibiliya itubwira ngo ntitukagire igisitaza dushyira imbere y’umuntu uwo ari we wese.
Nta wabura kuvuga ko umutungo ukoreshejwe nabi n’umwe mu bashakanye bishobora kuba imbarutso yo gusenyuka k’umuryango. Hari ubwo umwe amenya amakuru ko hari imitungo icishwa ku ruhande cyangwa hari konti atariho, cyangwa akabona ibiza mu rugo atazi neza amakuru yabyo.
Dufashe urugero ushobora gusanga umugabo atahanye imodoka umugore ataragishijwe inama mu kuyigura n’ibindi. Ibi bigera igihe uwabikorewe akibaza ngo “Ese njye ubu ndi iki muri uru rugo?”
Hakorwa iki ngo ibibazo byo mu ngo bishakirwe umuti?
Muri iyi nkuru twibanze ku bibazo bisenya ingo kandi ba nyirabyo batabasha kubivuga nyamara iyo biganirwaho mbere byari kubonerwa umuti bitaradogera.
Reka umuco wo kuganira ku bibazo ube uwacu, bizatuma dukemura ibibazo amazi atararenga inkombe. Abenshi basezerana bafite imiryango. Mushobora kubegera bakabafasha cyangwa ababaherekeje mu bukwe bwanyu (parrain na marraine).
Abandi bafite insengero basengeramo, mushobora kwitabaza abayobozi banyu mu by’umwuka, yewe n’abayobozi ba leta aho dutuye tubagishije inama badufasha. Burya amategeko ntaberaho gutandukanya abagiranye ibibazo ahubwo icya mbere ni ukubunga.
Bikwiye kumvikana ko gutandukana ari ugutsindwa. Mu by’ukuri iyo wananiwe kubaka urugo, bizagora abandi bantu kukugirira icyizere ahubwo bazajya bavuga ngo afite akazi keza, ayoboye abantu benshi ariko yananiwe n’urugo.
Reka uruhare rwawe mu biri kukubaho ugerageze kutaba nyirabayazana mu bibazo byageza umuryango wawe ku gusenyuka ahubwo ugerageze gukora ibishoboka byose ngo urugo rwawe rukomeze rubeho.
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